Threat Level: Mauve

I could write reams of Starbucks – their harmful trade practices, their butchering of coffee nomenclature (not to mention the Italian language), their over-roasted, over caffeinated coffee and the pathetic irony of my continued patronage of an establishment that I so thoroughly despise.

Today though. Wow. The above photo is a shot of the drink container that’s supposed to prevent you from getting second degree-burns and nerve damage from just-under-fusion temps that they keep their brew at.

Who the hell is responsible for unleashing this monstrosity on the world? That logo has always been creepy enough (The mermaid scares me… really, really scares me) but that pattern? In no decade this side of 1950 would that be a good idea. I can see epileptic Starbucks patrons across the country seizing if the baristas whip those things around too quickly.

See, this would be an ideal use of the threat level system that the Department for Using The Constitution as a Grease Rag for our New Fascist Machine (aka DHS) has for terrorism: “Threat level Mauve: warning, imminent threat to your sensibilities/good taste possible at ever corner in America (sometimes even on both corners). Avoid looking directly at people carrying red cups and talking very quickly on their Bluetooth headsets.

Be Afraid.