A Four Step Program

I re-enterd Plano for the first time in about six years this weekend. It was for a good cause, but to be fair, even some of my friends were a little shocked – “Dude, your going to make Wade eat lunch in Plano, is that really a good plan ?”

No problem, really. For one, I am a champion…no stupid little suburban hell-hole is going to ruin my day. Also, I’ve developed some very effective coping mechanisms.

  1. Appreciate Texas – While we are technically still in the lone star state when we’re dodging big-hair piloted Lexi (that’s the plural of Lexus, just so’s you know) in the Metroplex, is sure doesn’t feel like it. Personally, I take solace in the superior Kolaches in West and the Bio-willie signs in Knox, as two very excelnt reminders of what this place is really like.
  2. Flaunt Your Superior Music Taste – So you have to go to Crate and Barrel in the Galleria ? Nothing says ‘I’m not from here, nor do I care to be,’ like Icelandic post-rock blasting from your beater-pickup in the parking lot. It’s almost like Sigur Ros is antithetical to hairspray.
  3. Ask for a Large – When you’re at Starbucks (because if you want coffee up there, where else are you going to buy it) Don’t give into the Venti/Grande model. They get really upset about it too, which is funny
  4. Get gone – Remember, Austin isn’t far. Breakfast at Kerbey Lane should be enough incentive enough to get any weary traveler back down the interstate.