As gas approaches the same cost per gallon as Boone’s Finer Farms Strawberry Wine, it’s clear that things are not going well. Well, the hell with the politicos, I’ve figured out how to solve 90% of the countries problems – My Rage. That’s right, through a highly advanced (patent pending) piece of hardware (see fig 1a), my crack team of researchers has figured out how to transfer my anger directly into the drive-train of my Subaru.
Initial tests indicate that having people cut into my lane without signaling yielded only marginal results. However, we found that the rage-to-torque meter was pegged when they replayed George Bush’s presidential speeches on a loop. While the results are good there is a concern that listening to the president talk that much could make unwary drivers profoundly dumber. However seeing as the American public elected the guy twice, its hard to see how this could really have any large-scale negative effect (you can also get even better results by hooking Keith Olberman up to the device, but that’s logistically difficult).
Expect to see our revolutionary RoadRage(tm) hit the streets in December of 2012, just before the end of the world predicted by the Mayan calendar.