I wanted to take this opportunity to personally thank George Lucas for taking time out of his busy schedule of making bad, unrequested animated follow-ups to the Star Wars triology, to take yet another steaming crap on one of my fond childhood memories.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was going ok until ET showed up for an ill-conceived movie crossover and things went downhill from there. I can take Harrison Ford being old, he played it off well, I can even take the fact that he’s pitted against Russians and not Nazis, but aliens? Dear god. I like alien movies, but you can’t cross genres like that, it just plain doesn’t work. Battlestar Galactica and The Bourne Identity? No. Alien II and National Treasure? No.
About the same time that Cate Blanchet is getting frisky with some Alien skull ( seriously, why does it glow ? ), the Speilburg/Lucas team make the second worst plot decision and bring Karen Allen (who looks oddly stretched) back into the story. I mean, really ? I know we’re going for a circular story line, but give me a break.
The cardinal sin is the ending though – and this is a spoiler, if you can consider such a disaster of a film spoiled – Indiana Jones does not get married. Why not just invite James Bond for a vegas-style double marriage, it’d be just as plausible. Its almost like Lucas and Speilburg got together and said, “man, I’m really tied of people bugging us about the Indiana Jones movies. Lets so completely wipe our collective asses with this script that there’s no way possible to continue it (at least with Harrison Ford at the reigns…yeah I saw the hat tip to the kid too, I’m holding judgment on that).”
The only redeeming part of the movie was at the Alamo Drafthouse pre-show, there was a very fine Indy inspired cover of Mr. Jones. Take a look, and maybe it will help you forget that this wretched piece of crap move ever existed.
Yes, it’s terrible, but no worse than the movie.