Wade vs. Tree

Somebody took exception to my descriptive naming of my recent epic-crash on a local trail. Therefore, I will now proceed with a detailed description of the aforementioned superman/pole dancer maneuver, as well as providing the highly illustrative figures a & b,thereby proving the appropriateness of my nomenclature

The way this works best (or worst depending on your point of view) is by finding a nice steep limestone drop-off with a turn and a tree. (see figure b.) Right as you approach said drop you should act like a total wuss and slow down to a crawl so that all your momentum is now directed downwards instead of forward.

As your shock bottoms-out and the bike starts to pitch you over the handle bars, you’ll want to go ahead an unclip form the bike so as not to seriously damage your ride. Damaging your self is kind of a given at this point.

As you clear the bars reach out (see figure a.) and grab the tree, to keep you from flying off into the prickly pear or impacting said tree with your head or face. Tuck in and try to spin around the tree in a kind of slick combination of a pole-dancer/baseball player sliding-into-home maneuver. Be sure to try and dodge the aforementioned cactus as you land. The final crucial step is to tuck-and-roll away from the crash site as your bike (hopefully in three or less fewer pieces) comes bouncing down the hill behind you.

Now the real fun begins as you have four miles of similar trail in front of you. The preventative measure of not being a total uber-wuss on subsequent drops is highly recommended.

Totally. Appropriate. Nomentclature.