I was making my annual trip to the mall to buy my yearly pair of jeans, when I happened upon what is clearly a sign of the end of all things good.
So we have become some fat and lazy as a country that our mall security gaurds need Segways. Seeing this made me want me commit a mall-crime, so as to initiate some kind of low-speed-segway-police-chase, prefereably ending in this dude executing some kind of flying tackle off his ridiculous scooter, in front of the build-a-bear store (another sign of the endtimes – the mall is full of them). To be fair, the only reason he’d catch me is because I’d be laughing so hard. Maybe he could use his really spiffy helmet as a weapon.