Never a Good Plan


I’m in the middle of converting an old mountain bike into a single-speed. One of the steps is disassembling the front stack of gears, known as the chainrings, and rebuilding them with just one gear.

To make this work, I need some lock-washers. To get the right washers I brought one of the bolts that hold the stack together with me to the office, and have been subsequently fiddling with it all day. This afternoon I had a small lull in my work load. I looked at the bolt sitting on my desk and thought – I bet that’ll fit in my nose. Why? I have no idea. In hindsite the answer here should always be no, it won’t and don thy it. But I tried and it did, and as it’s hollow posed no breathing problems or much discomfort.

Until my boss walked in. There’s me, typing away at the computer with two giant aluminum-faux-buggers hanging out of my already ample-sized nose.

Awesome. Yes, I am 12-years-old, apparently…

Another Bout of Hippy-violence


Methinks the time change has made me a bit cranky because once again I’m contemplating hippy-violence. Specifically, as a target for said violence, the individual responsible for the I-35/71 interchange. I want to punch him in the mouth in a friendly peace-loving, hippy kind of way, reserved for highway designers.

First of all, lets time travel a bit – Almost 10 years ago somebody had the bright idea that we should make this particular traffic snarl (and also a major thoroughfare to the soon to be completed airport) into a modern day intersection. Ramps, fly-overs and the like. Collectively we all did a little happy dance. Yeah, happy dance.

Then we waited. And waited. And waited as TXDOT opened new stretches of the streamlined TX71, inch-by-agonizing inch and moved the equivalent of a small moon’s worth of dirt around. Now the ramps appear to be done, and construction has moved off towards the airport.

So to the future. Or the present. Or whatever we want to call today. Today, as I travel up northbound I-35 with the intention of going westbound on 71, do I have a nice clean transition ? A well banked fly over, with a nice view of down town ? Nope. I have an unfinished dukes of hazard ramp (the earthwork but no bridges) and I actually have to go through AN ADDITIONAL TRAFFIC SIGNAL to get back on the freeway. So it now takes me longer to reach my destination.

Apparently, after a little digging, this was always the plan. After ten years of planning and six years of construction all we get is two sets of ramps ? And nowhere can I find how much this thing cost the taxpayers…

I’m taking this as proof positive of a vast right-wing-conspiracy against the progressive denizens of south Austin, to slowly and steadily drive them out of their minds by excessive exposure to traffic congestion and diesel truck exhaust.

Thievery…

…You know how Apple just accidentally shipped a few thousand iPods with a Windows virus embedded in them? If you replace “Apple” with “Diebold” and “iPod” with “AccuVote,” then you’ve got a recipe for wholesale election theft.

Want to steal/hack your election ? Click here…

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24 Hours of rocky hill

Actually, it was really about 19 hours of Rocky Hill. We took a nap because there was a freaking arctic gale moving through Smithville on Saturday night. I had an epic endo at the bottom of Fat Chucks Demise that threw me into a ditch off the side of the road. Rad. I almost ran over a coral snake too. My bike was totally destroyed by the mud.
My Pictures are here.
Germ’s pictures are here.

Dispatches From 183 & 281

This weekend we made a nice 370 mile loop to Granbury and back for Allison’s ten-year reunion. Some observations from the road…

Speed: Apparently the new car goes very fast. In the Jeep you could do 80, with a good tail wind and a hill, or by strapping rockets to the under-carriage and praying a whole lot. It was kind of a ‘break the glass, pull the emergency lever” kind of thing. Think Ludicrous speed in Spaceballs, but much slower (and no trail of plaid). In the Subbie we can cut forty minutes off trip and can pass the Jimbos in the dualie pickups with ease.

Diet Redbull: Tastes almost exactly regular Redbull – Utter crap but with the same twitchy/make-it-to-your-destination-alive affects. Drink the diet version because its better for you. No really.

Speaking of Jimbo: Yup, i met a guy named Jimbo. He works in leather goods. Of course. He also carries a four inch hunting knife with a mastodon ivory handle (“This shit was around before Jesus..”) and wears one of those cowboy hats that still have the cow fur on them.
Of course.

The New Graffiti: There were a total three different MySpace URLs on the bathroom wall of Skinny’s in Lampassas. I’ve always thought of bathroom wall graffiti as kind of a 60’s equivalent of the modern day internet bulletin board – complete with lurkers, regular contributors, and flame wars. That the patrons of the Skinny’s men’s room are starting to bring the two together is kind of odd.

Fourth Gear is Rad: It’s like in the old arcade version of pole- position where you had a turbo button. As opposed to stomping on the accelerator as we strategically crest a hill and thinking about all the reasons i don’t want to die in a head on collision, I calmly downshift and punch past people, Ricky Bobby style. Like I said, we shaved off 40 minutes.

Sports Guy: I listened to the weekly round of good vs evil (Aggies vs Mizzou). It’s always amazed me that you can walk up to guys you don’t know (say at your spouse’s high school reunion) and immediately conduct civil conversation based on the aforementioned game. College football, the ultimate networking tool.

Dear Cedar Park, you suck: There are 27 damn traffic lights on 183 going through Cedar Park.

A Diverse Cross-section of the Animal Kingdom: Apparently this particular section of US183/281 is like the Noah’s ark of Roadkill. That, or the new redneck game de-jour is explode-the-armadillo. Which is actually pretty plausible, and probably a recognized winter olympics sport. Anyway many a beast have met their end of late, on this stretch of road.

Also Regarding the Game: I hadn’t listened to the Texas Aggie Radio Network in a good long while, probably since graduation. I realized they don’t really subscribe to the theory of neutral media, almost on a scale that puts Fox news to shame. To hear them tell it, the Ags will not only be the national champions this year, but also put a monkey into space and reconcile quantum mechanics and string theory between practices.

As far as the reunion goes, I’m going to leave that one up to Allison, who has very nice post about it up on her site.

Down Time

Somebody (not me) mucked up the mySQL setup, casuing about 18 hours of downtime for the site. Fatwade is displeased.

Somethings Different…

Yup. I’ve got freakin’ spaceships on my page. Because I’m awesome.
Leave a comment and let me know what you think…

The Avacado Still Doesn’t Turn On…

As infuriating as it is brilliant. Just watch.

Coup D’Etat

Do you really think you can control New York City without the cooperation of 40,000 New York police officers? And what about Idaho, with all those militia groups? Do you think you can control Idaho? I’m not even going to talk about Texas.

Folks of the military persuasion talk to Harpers about what an American Coup D’Etat would entail.